Types of Raya Visitors

Its the week immediately after Raya and like many Muslim households this season, your home will most probably be experiencing endless streams of visitors. Long lost relatives, cousins you didn't even know existed and sometimes even absolute strangers would come knocking on your door.

I don't go house visiting. Every Raya I only visit 2 houses – my paternal grandparents and maternal grandparents. That's it.

But our house does receive its fair share of visitors. I'm not sure if you've experienced them but some of these house-hopping visitors can be quite a pain in the derrière. I'm sure you must have experienced at least one of the types of visitors below:

The Midnight Raiders

Its 12 am and you're about to call it a night. The last visitor just left and the bed beckons irresistibly. You're just about to put away the last dishes and cookie jars when suddenly to your horror of horrors, the door bell rings! The midnight raiders strike again.

I don't understand. How do people actually “jalan raya” at midnight? There are others who actually have something to do at 6 am the next morning – even if its a weekend night. But somehow, the fact that these people are “in the area” is somehow more important than that.

If you are a midnight raider, do your host a favour. Go to bed after midnight. That's what the night is for. Its not meant for house visiting. Its meant for people to sleep.

However if you have the irresistible urge to step into someone's house in the dead, unearthly hours of the night – at least give a phone call. It's only polite. If they do not pick up, it means they're already asleep. Live with it.

The Over Stayers

So far we've not experienced these type of visitors. Guests so far have been polite when they sense that the house is getting too crowded and take their leave rather graciously. But we have stories from neighbours who've had guests who refuse to budge- even after sitting for 5 hours and the clock is way past 1 am, despite the host dropping various hints such as looking at the clock obsessively and yawning very loudly every 2 minutes.

Well, I think that would depend on the situation. If it's someone real close like your favourite aunt or a bosom buddy, perhaps staying a really long time would be cool. But generally, I think there's an “unspoken rule” about Raya visiting that says you should not spend more than 60 minutes at any given house. It might inconvenience the host especially, when visitors keep piling in.

The Platoon

Of all the delinquent visitors, these must be the most dreadful and the most common every single raya season. The Platoon would usually come in with a troop strength of about 40. But instead of coming in oil-drums like Ali Baba, they will usually arrive in a full length air-conditioned passenger bus.

Secondary school students are especially fond of doing this. Maybe they do not realise it but coming in in sheer volumes at one go may send your host into a helter skelter and puts a strain on the resources of the house. People might not have enough glasses, plates or even the floor room to accommodate such a big group of visitors. This is enough to send the host into a frenzy of preparation activity – leaving no time to entertain the guests.

That defeats the purpose doesn't it? After all, isn't Hari Raya visiting about making connections and silaturrahim with the host, instead of saving costs on transportation?

Perhaps it would make better sense to stagger the visiting timing, instead of coming in all at one go. A better ukhwah and connection can be built with the host when he can concentrate on each small group at the same time. Besides, not everyone is living in a spacious bungalow and you will do the host a great favour by not coming in a full strength platoon. Students especially, take note!

The Professionals

Usually comprises of a group of students, usually primary or secondary school kids who are doing home visiting as a means to increase their income. Just like the group of eight kids who visited our house the other time. We have no idea who they are or where they come from as we've never seen them our entire life. All we notice is that they have extremely bulging pockets filled with money.

They just barge into the house, sit down, look pretty, have a few drinks and then off to another house with their “collection” money – all within a time span of 5 minutes. What the?

So what do you do when you have this type kids “begging” from house to house? Do you just lock them out because they're total strangers or do you embrace the spirit of Syawal and let them in anyway? But wouldn't that encourage them further to go “begging” at other houses?

Sad but true. Hari Raya has lost its meaning to a certain group of our youngsters. The question on my mind when encountering these kids is where are their parents and what type of youth are we raising with these kind of mentality?

Why I Dread Raya

Dear aunties and uncles of mine,

Well its that time of the year again. The day when the air in every single Muslim house smells of a strange mixture of rendang, cookies and fresh curtains. Hari Raya. After one whole year, we finally get to meet!

I guess we are going to catch up on a lot of things. But do you guys know that I dread Raya very much? And what's more, do you know that I dread it because of you guys?

Yup! You heard that right. Every time you come for a visit, I drag myself to the living room like Garfield on a Monday morning to meet you guys. Don't get it wrong. You guys are okay. I respect my elders very much and look forward to a meet up after such a long time of mutual absence.

But it would be fantastic if you guys could stop asking “The Question” everytime you pop in for a visit. You know, THAT question that all of you keep asking me about a million times every single Raya since I completed NS?

“When is your turn?”

Ah. Sounds familiar now? Yes, that is the question that I dread very much. It does not help that you guys keep winking whenever the question is asked. Come on. Stop that winking thing already. I get what you are trying to say. You don't have to wink like you're having epilepsy.

I think you guys need to give us singles a break. Times are changing real fast, but sadly most of our Malay aunties and uncles still expect our men and women to get married rather promptly once they reach their mid-twenties. Sad, if you were to ask me.

Hello? This is not the eighties you know?

We've never had as many Malay University graduates as we are having now and our youth are in the best position to seize the opportunities that the globalised world has to offer. The youth of other races are doing exactly that.

Likewise, don't you think that this is also the best time for the Malay youth to elevate their careers and positions in society? Instead of settling down as a young couple like you guys did in the eighties?

Think about it. Us Malays are having THE highest divorce rate in Singapore at the moment. The fact that so many of us are getting married at such a young age without proper careers or qualifications will not help this figure very much.

Instead, you should be glad that there is a growing number of highly educated Malays who are carving their own niche in society. It will benefit us in the long run – socially and economically. All we need to do is to change our mindsets and accept the fact that marrying in your late twenties or early thirties is still very much okay.

So please, stop asking “When is your turn?” should you come over to visit this time.

However should you still insist on asking, I will ask you the exact same question the next time we attend a relative's funeral.

Deal? (winks)

The Mat Dictionary

After the “stopitsiak” post sometime last week, several readers have emailed asking for more mat and minah terms. Seems that mat lingo is progressing on a parallel plane and it will be great if a glossary of their language can be somewhat documented.

So here goes, the first Mat Dictionary. It's not a lot so should you have any more terms or suggestions, feel free to leave it in the comment link and I will update it accordingly.

The Orang Panjang Contemporary Mat Dictionary

Gua [goo-wah] noun – What some mats and minahs use to call themselves. Similar in using “lu” when referring to others. A legacy that dates back to the times of Mat Rocks back in the early 80s.

A common trick that can be played on Mats is to ask them to translate the English phrase “Monkey Cave” into Malay. The mat will then say “Gua Monyet” (I'm a monkey).

Mat [mat] noun – To the rest of the world, the word simply means a Malay guy. But within the Malay community itself there is a growing disparity in consensus to its actual meaning. Popularly, it's used to denote a guy who converses primarily in Malay, as opposed to the more “English speaking” types. Favourites of the mats include tapered jeans, trucker caps and weepy Malay songs with sickeningly suicidal lyrics.

Matrep [mat-rape] noun – An extreme version of the mat. In addition to the usual mat accessories, a matrep will also come adorned with tattoos and matching body-piercings in weird corners of his body.

Minah [mee-nah] noun – An expression used to denote a Malay female. Derived from the popular Malay name, Aminah, which used to be all the rage some time ago. It was sort of the “in-thing” to name your daughter Aminah back in the 60s and 70s. In fact, legend has it that if you go to Geylang Serai market and shout “Hai Minah!” at least a quarter of the makcik population there is going to turn around and smile at you.

Picit [pee-chet] adjective – When a mat tells you to “picit” him, it does not mean that he is trying to be cheeky (or gay, if he is talking to a fellow mat). It simply means that the mat wants you to call him on his mobile. What were you thinking?

Relaksuah [ree-lek-soo-wah] adjective – Official slogan and life motto of the mats and minahs.

Sial [see- yal ] noun / adjective – A full stop in every mat's sentence. Eg: “Tadi aku nampak accident sial Rabak sial Aku tak bedek sial Kesian sial” Translation: Just now I saw an accident (full stop) It was bad (full stop) I'm not kidding (full stop) Poor guy (full stop)

In its purest form, “sial” means “jinx” but mats have refined the art of using the word to include it at the end of their every sentence. Also comes in the more polite form “siak” and “siul” for those who do not want to sound too crude.

Skank [s-kank] adjective - A favourite weird-looking dance performed by mats and minahs. Usually done at any of the various gigs that mats and minahs love to congregate at. At times, you do detect evidence of artistry in the dance but most of the time they just look like they've been possessed by the ghost of a restless retard.

Sowie [soh-wee] adjective – An expression of apology used by minahs. Commonly used in SMS and instant messaging. Actually they can just use the word “sorry” like every normal human being but minahs think that it will make them sound extra cute to deliberately talk that way. Example : “I will be late. Sowie!”

Step [se-tep] adjective – To beguile, dissimulate or impersonate something or someone that they are not. Also commonly used to describe a fellow mat or minah who acts in an arrogant manner. E.g.“Kau jangan nak step tak tahu eh?” Translation: Don't you dare feign innocence in this matter. Can also be used as a gerund e.g. “stepping”. See next entry.

Step Jambu [se-tep jam-boo] adjective - What minahs do when they are sitting alone in a train and a group of mats walk in. It is a general exercise where the minah “controls” her facial muscles and posture in a way that would make her look her best. This would usually involve looking incessantly at her handphone for no particular reason.

Stoppit [setop-eet] adjective – A general expression of intolerance and dismay. When a minah uses this phrase, be very careful for it signals that she is about to lose her cool or get very violent.

Usually directed by minahs in an annoyed manner, followed by the postfix “seh”, “siak” or “sial”. (See entry for “sial” above) Eg: Apasal ngan perangai kau hari ni? Stopitsiak! Transalation : What's up with your attitude today? Enough of it already for goodness' sake!”

Myths About Singapore Malays

Let's face it. Hatred towards the Malays is still very much alive on the Internet. Despite all the uproar over the convicted racist bloggers last year, many are still finding sadistic solace in overseas websites and spurious blog sheets. The question is, how do we even begin to dismantle what is historically one of the toughest barriers towards total Racial Harmony in Singapore?

There has bee much effort towards the propagation of Racial Harmony in this island. For the past few Ramadhans, non-Muslim members of the community have taken time to break bread with their Muslim friends. Several mosques in Singapore have even allowed access to restricted sections of the prayer hall to visitors, all in the name of fostering greater understanding and accord amongst the diverse communities here. We certainly have made commendable strides and the efforts should continue.

But the lamentable truth is, there's still a handful of Singaporeans out there whom we have failed to reach. Take a quick stroll through many of Singapore's popular online forums and you will be bound to find a thread on Malay-bashing.

I hate to say this, but the convicted bloggers who made racist remarks against Malays and Muslims are just the proverbial tip of the hate iceberg. If we continue to expose our youngsters a to a constant diet of hate literature and deplorable half-truths, what kind of leaders will we have in the future?

I have been observing these racist individuals for several years now and I come to the conclusion that this chasm of intolerance exists because of several myths that people have been carrying regarding the Malays in Singapore.

Clarifications of these myths will not magically make everyone see eye to eye on a same racial plane, but it is my hope that they might just be the first step needed in dispelling the hatred in certain individuals.

Myth: Malays Receive Free Education

One of the sore points many Singaporeans on the Internet have regarding our Malays is the notion that we are receiving “free education” from the state even through polytechnic and university.

Free education for indigenous people is a legacy brought about by the British to protect the original inhabitants of a country. It is still widely practised in other Commonwealth nations such as Australia and New Zealand where the aborigines are fully subsidised in tertiary institutions.

However the legacy for tertiary fees has been dismounted by the Government since 1991. While students coming from households earning less than $1500 a month will be put through a subsidy programme via Mendaki ( a Malay version of the Chinese CDAC and Indian SINDA), the majority of Malay students in polytechnics and universities today are there on tuition fees fully paid for by their parents. Be rest assured that your Malay countrymen are working and saving just as hard as you are to support their children's tertiary educations.

Myth: Malays Will Betray the Country for the Neighbours in War

I am not sure how this misconception came about but having served my NS stint in the Army with good buddies of all races, it is a myth that puzzles me as much as it bereaves me.

Some time in April this year, a member of the ewadah forum posted an informal poll meant to be answered by Muslim Singaporeans who served in the Army. The question was “If Singapore goes to war with Malaysia, will you shoot a fellow Malay-Muslim from the enemy side?”

Several people responded to the poll. ALL responded in the affirmative. To me, the results are hardly surprising. In Islam, fighting for one's country is one of the most exalted forms of Jihad.

History has also shown that Malays are loyal to their country and its people first. Race will only come in second. When Tunku Abdul Rahman invited Malays from Singapore over to Malaysia to enjoy the vast Bumiputra privileges during the separation, our Malays in Singapore largely remained loyal to the nation and refused to budge.

Loyalty of the Malay race to this country and its people should never come into question, ever.

Myth: Malays are a Druggie Race

Another popular misconception is that Malays are a druggie race and largely are a liability to the society.

Granted, this would have been accurate in the 80s. I make no apologies for the ignorance of these people during that era. They were an eyesore and a source of huge embarrassment for the Malay society.

But the community has made great improvements with the help of the country's leaders and evangelical activists within its own ranks. According to statistics from the CNB, Malays are no longer the No. 1 problem race when it comes to narcotics. It has been that way for the past few years.

Myth: Malays are Lazy

Historically and culturally, Malays have always had a good life. Unlike their counter parts from China and India who had to toil the soil and endure extreme climatic forces just to ensure their survival, Malays never had to endure these hardships much. Everything that you throw into the fertile soils of the Malay Peninsular, will sprout into a healthy plant within a few months. Unlike the Chinese in China, growing food was never much of a problem nor was it a matter of toiling. Leisure and quality time with the family became a very much entrenched way of life within the Malay community.

Unfortunately these civilizations came on a collision course when the Chinese started migrating into the Malay lands. When the Chinese came, they brought along their hard-working and industrious ways that has been so much a part of their life for thousands of years.

Naturally the Malays soon found themselves behind, unable to break out from the norms that their forefathers have lived over the centuries. To make things worse, the British continued to shower the indigenous Malays with various concessions, further lullabying them into an existence of complacency.

This is popularly regarded as the reason for the notion of “The Lazy Malay”.

But let it be known that ever since Singapore separated from Malaysia, our Malays here have been growing up in a separate ecosystem than their Bumiputra counterparts. Having lived and breathed just like the other citizens of the land and void of special privileges, the younger generations of Malays here have developed their own variant of a Malay DNA.

Malays here have given rise to its fair share of President Scholars, PSC Scholars and other prestigious graduates. In fact, Malays in Singapore have held the record for being the most academically improved when compared to other races at various educational levels including the polytechnics and universities. Our youngsters are hungry for success and chasing the Singapore Dream, just like the other youths of Singapore.

On the economic front, we have also produced our fair share of millionaires. Salleh Marican , the owner of listed company Second Chance Holdings and Datuk Zain the owner of Prestige Marine Services are just two figures in the Malays society who have made headlines recently and done the country proud. Several other millionaires could be mentioned but it would take too much space in a short article such as this.

Laziness is an attribute that exists in every race and creed. It is unfair to label Malays as still being lazy just because you keep seeing the same group of Malays hanging out at the void deck. I am sure someone somewhere can point you the way to a group of youth from other races who are wasting time in a similar manner.

Towards Racial Harmony

Total racial harmony may be something of an utopian dream. Granted, the author acknowledges the fact that there is no nation in the world where even the slightest wisps of racial prejudices are not present. But it is my wish that the dispelling of these popular myths, which have been such popular ingredients in online Malay-bashing, would somehow take us a step or two towards greater tolerance amongst the races here.

Are Malays Victims of Racism?

Oh no not again. Another one of these racism threads? The topic of Racial Disunity in Singapore has reared its ugly head once again with the circulation of ex-MP Mansor Sukaimi's email to the PM.

So are Malays in Singapore treated fairly at work? One of my site visitors has posted the topic up for scrutiny once again.

View the topic right here

Bazaar Notes.

Damn. I should have not returned to Singapore to soon. The air smells like the entire nation's been barbecuing their socks. I was aware from weather reports that intermittent haze has been plaguing the entire region but I didn't realise it was going to be this bad till I stepped out of the airport.

The bazaar is in full swing too at this time of year and this is about the period when my serene neighbourhood in Geylang Serai turns into a complete zoo. Bazaar visitors have got this notorious reputation so perhaps I would just like to make a little note to them. This might or might not include you.

Dear Bazaar visitors:

Please check your tires before taking out your car.

The aunties of this area are cat sympathisers and cat Nazis. As such our car park right here beside the market is a virtual orgy of cats every night. The problem is, these cats like to "do it" under cars and sometimes directly under the tires of vehicles. The other night as I was returning home from tarawikh, I spotted at least 2 bloody carcass of cats with tire prints on the car park grounds. Strangely, one of the cats was smiling. Maybe it "mati dalam Iman" (died in good faith).

So just to make a note to those who do drive. Do give at least a few taps to make sure that there are no living things under your chassis before you roll out. Poor cats. It's not a pretty sight to see the remains of a beautiful feline squashed out like leftover lasagna almost every night. It does bad things to your appetite. Yummy.

The stairwell is not a love shack.

I am not sure if you know this but some of these Malay youths think that the staircases around blocks 411-417 are like their Hotel 81. This is especially so for the high floors where its mostly deserted. When it comes to the Ramadan period when the bazaar is at its height, one will occasionally find Malay couples smooching (or doing something even worse - use you imagination) at our staircases late at night after they are done with the bazaar.

Frankly I'm getting sick of shooing these couples away whenever I return home late. The next time I see one, I might just put on a Darth Vader Mask and scare the Bojangles out of these couples right in the middle their "ehem" session. It will be quite a sight. My mum says to just call the police but it would not be as funny, would it?

Choose thy food wisely.

One of my students, Shahidah was down with food poisoning. Sigh. Ironically it was just about a week before I gave them a warning to choose their food wisely. Every Ramadan I know people with food poisoning after eating stuff from the bazaar.

The problem with bazaar hawkers is that they are not subjected to the same hygiene standards as those in conventional food stalls. No disease checks. No typhoid injections and not much hygiene requirements. That is why some of these bazaar stalls can get away with using water pushed in a pail from the nearest toilet and storing kitchen utensils in less than sanitary conditions- often on the bazaar grounds itself. The NEA should seriously look into enforcing stricter regulations.

Meanwhile, you're going to have innocent people like Shahidah puking their lungs out every year. So be wary. I am sure that there are lots of honest stalls out there so choose thy food wisely. A good guideline that can be used is this: if you see the stall owner eating his/her own food - that's a sign that the food might be safe to buy. Because I personally know stall owners who do not dare to eat the food that they cook on the bazaar grounds. They just want to sell it away. If that is not a warning, I do not know what is.

To Cherish Or Sympathise?

It's been more than a week since the finals of the Singapore "Idol" contest but damn do I still feel the heat. No, not because I give the slightest hoot over the show. But because everywhere I look, there are images of Hady Mirza being showered by cheap paper confetti. From blogs to my favourite TV shows to newspaper articles, I just cannot escape the madness. He is just all over the place.

Come on guys, enough of it already. Or, in the words of enchanted Minahs all over Singapore, "Stopitsiak!" (I don't know why but Malay women seem to love to say that phrase nowadays. Maybe it's the latest Minah lingo.)

Anyways, while thousands of Malays all over the island are cherishing the fact that another one of their kind has won the "idol" contest once again, I cannot help but feel sorry for this Hady guy. Seriously.

I am not sure if you feel the same way but in my opinion, he would have done much better to just take his poly diploma and settle for an honest job somewhere. He would have made much more money in the long run for himself and his family.

Think about it. There are serious differences between the Singapore Idol and the American Idol that it just makes you question the legitimacy of the contest.

1. Fan base

American Idol : Fans all over the world who will buy your album and make you millions.
Singapore Idol : Screaming Malay girls who buy your album and make you thousands.

2. Prize Money

American Idol : US$ 1 Million (approximately SGD$1,560,000)
Singapore Idol : US$ 0 (approximately SGD$ 0)

3. Most Seen on TV:

American Idol : Endorsing million dollar products for million dollar companies.
Singapore Idol : Endorsing 7-11 and swallowing Big Gulp

So even if the American Idol were to have a very short lifespan of only a couple of years (like Ruben), it does not matter because he would have made millions of dollars and can laugh happily all the way to the bank.

But what about our "idols"? They get abyssed in a finite cycle of mediocrity and enjoy the limelight while it lasts - but what happens when the music stops? Do they then start looking for a job when they peers have already secured well-paying careers in the private and government sectors?

If you can observe carefully, NONE of our local musicians are living the good life. Even the most talented fantastic singers like Rahimah Rahim (the original one) who sold a gadzillion albums in the 80's are still living a humble life and living in humble HDB flats. Poly grads like Hady and Taufik who come from good courses could have easily made more money than that if they were to join a reputable MNC.

That is why I cannot help it but feel sorry for these guys. I feel somehow that this "idol" competition is destroying their lives in the very long run.

Oh well. I better not speak too much about these "idols". The women are crazy over them. The last time I spoke about Taufik, my sister complained to my mum and she pressured me to delete my entry. ( Sakinah, you sickening snitch!)

So I guess I better not talk to much this time.

Ok Ridzwan. Stopitsiak.